October 2011

I can't believe that it is already October tomorrow.
Although my darling's job is not stable, ( I hope ) we are not very unhappy. 
We have been exploring in the new country and that became enjoyable for me recently as I have some people who I have already known in the chorus.

I finally talked with Lynn the other night. I was interested in her and wanted to talk with since I first saw her.
She was the person who difficult to close. She doesn't talk others who she has not known very much, it sounds a bit protective person.
She had got her own unique accent that was actually from Scotland and I didn't recognized about it.

She came from Scotland by her own for 18 years ago with some suitcases. I thought that what a brave lady she was! 
However I came to New Zealand by my own with two suitcases too.
People say I was brave but I wasn't. I was weak before.
The experience of being overseas made me brave a bit if I didn't meet my darling.
I am always not perfectly brave. I am a person who live with others always.

However only five months life in Wellington changed me.
I might threw something away at that time and got something new. But even after that I kept getting more new experiences.
And those new experiences is coming with my darling and I feel heart warm life with him, although we get fight often.

So it means that I am not exactly same kind of person as Lynn. She is completely alone. I am just interested in what makes her to been alone.
I think I changed. I don't want to do same mistake again so I try really hard to keep continue my new life with my darling. No, I am not trying, I am just staying  natural. I am happy.

Tonight we went to a restaurant and talked about our travel in the future that where we want to go for rest of our life. We had a lot that we want to go.
I am still not sure about my life is right or wrong (I mean for my daughters). It is absolutely right for me. I mean if I am happy, are they going to happy too??
I really hope so. But I have not any power to change them so what I can do is just pray for them. Yes, I have to pray for them all the time and it is probably mother's job.

I am glad because at least I am happy now and I can afford to pray for them. If I am unhappy I will not able to pray for others, would I?

Recently I have not practice any English so I know my English is so broken. I found it takes time to get every new skills. I was always rush, rush and rush.
I don't know how could my father know about that even though we didn't live together except only for a short time. He was right.

And what my mum had known about me?? She had not said anything, I guess. She was so quiet. I might find out what my mum and dad looked like sometimes.
Moms cousin said that she was a beautiful woman and always brought a souvenir for them but it was the only an impression about her. She was really mysterious.
Both of my parents were mysterious. I don't know anything about them. I terribly don't have any memories about them. What a terrible daughter am I? I can't feel thanks for them. I might have to try to remember about them.

OK, I will try to remember good things about them or with them.

Just an ordinary day

 I made (I am sure that we have more appropriate word instead "made") a new blog titled "Canberra Daily " but it is Japanese so I might keep writing this blog in English.

Emi passed an exam to get into the  free computer programing course and I was very glad. She is a clever girl but sometimes scares me.

Mika looks not very happy now but at least she said "no news" that was good.

Manimi moved to new house she said but she did not tell me where it is.
However she seems a bit independent than before so that"s good.

Time pushes everything of our life without stopping.
(I would like to read more books to improve my poor expression)
The other night I saw a dream about my friend Vicky.
She was in yellow dress and green sticking and maybe wore a yellow hat too.
I found her in a crowd, ran close and hugged with tears in my eyes.
I really need to call her again when our stuff came from New Zealand.
Stupidly I put her phone number is the storage...

It is another beautiful day (however my husband feels very bad..) so I hope that we go somewhere and get some positive energy for next week.

New Life

It is probably time to make new blog because I am not in New Zealand any more.

It has been three months after I left Whangarei but I could never forgotten about that lovely small town that close to the ocean, can be feel warm wind from the sea and laughter with my friends all the time.

My husband and I went to the beach, raw the dingy, sang songs and worked on the boat. I terribly missed the sea.
Although my health wasn't very good, I still enjoyed everything. I really wanted to stay there.

Well, I have to find new life here for another five years or more but I have no idea so far. I need the sea.
When I walk down the street in the city or in the malls, I feel similar feeling that as same as Osaka. I mean I feel this is a city, not a rural.
Spring had come to the prison, the trees are little brighter than before.

I am negative now. I should been positive and have to find a new way to live, I know it.  I am just stuck.
I am basically very happy, my husband is here, we have no trouble to eat and I am still healthy compare to others who I have known in Japan. 
What do I want more?? the sea-----Oh what can I do?