October 2011

I can't believe that it is already October tomorrow.
Although my darling's job is not stable, ( I hope ) we are not very unhappy. 
We have been exploring in the new country and that became enjoyable for me recently as I have some people who I have already known in the chorus.

I finally talked with Lynn the other night. I was interested in her and wanted to talk with since I first saw her.
She was the person who difficult to close. She doesn't talk others who she has not known very much, it sounds a bit protective person.
She had got her own unique accent that was actually from Scotland and I didn't recognized about it.

She came from Scotland by her own for 18 years ago with some suitcases. I thought that what a brave lady she was! 
However I came to New Zealand by my own with two suitcases too.
People say I was brave but I wasn't. I was weak before.
The experience of being overseas made me brave a bit if I didn't meet my darling.
I am always not perfectly brave. I am a person who live with others always.

However only five months life in Wellington changed me.
I might threw something away at that time and got something new. But even after that I kept getting more new experiences.
And those new experiences is coming with my darling and I feel heart warm life with him, although we get fight often.

So it means that I am not exactly same kind of person as Lynn. She is completely alone. I am just interested in what makes her to been alone.
I think I changed. I don't want to do same mistake again so I try really hard to keep continue my new life with my darling. No, I am not trying, I am just staying  natural. I am happy.

Tonight we went to a restaurant and talked about our travel in the future that where we want to go for rest of our life. We had a lot that we want to go.
I am still not sure about my life is right or wrong (I mean for my daughters). It is absolutely right for me. I mean if I am happy, are they going to happy too??
I really hope so. But I have not any power to change them so what I can do is just pray for them. Yes, I have to pray for them all the time and it is probably mother's job.

I am glad because at least I am happy now and I can afford to pray for them. If I am unhappy I will not able to pray for others, would I?

Recently I have not practice any English so I know my English is so broken. I found it takes time to get every new skills. I was always rush, rush and rush.
I don't know how could my father know about that even though we didn't live together except only for a short time. He was right.

And what my mum had known about me?? She had not said anything, I guess. She was so quiet. I might find out what my mum and dad looked like sometimes.
Moms cousin said that she was a beautiful woman and always brought a souvenir for them but it was the only an impression about her. She was really mysterious.
Both of my parents were mysterious. I don't know anything about them. I terribly don't have any memories about them. What a terrible daughter am I? I can't feel thanks for them. I might have to try to remember about them.

OK, I will try to remember good things about them or with them.