It has been a long time after I stopped to write this blog.
But now a little hope comes up to me that is a possibility to go back to the country which I loved a lot.

Recently my (or our) life is so complicated. Since we left New Zealand we have been running around everywhere with a suitcase.
Then I had to lose many my precious things which I loved because of able to move flexibly.

I had to give up playing instrumentals, sewing, drawing, reading, singing, chatting with my friends, etc. Or my networks and some part-time jobs, although I had not made much money. Or even some volunteer networks.
Lucky thing however is that I met a couple of great new friends via the Internet.
One of them also gave me an opportunity to work at a new field.
I am not sure I could keep continue the translation work that was introduced by her but I just love it. It's fun to let my brain wake up because for a long time it had (still have)been sleeping form no using.

I don't want to let my brain get rust. (It's probably started already though)
And my physical ability. That is really bad.
If I could alive another twenty years I have to brush them up.

I have no idea where to go and what to do. Just feel I had done everything I wanted to by now.
It is silly that I have been feeling so since I left New Zealand that was three and half years ago. But now I cannot even remember what I wanted to do in NZ.(It's not true. I can remember)

Everything seems useless to me now and all my energy is gone away. I feel the end is closer. How can I find the reason to alive for the rest of my life?
I am tired and every scenery is faded. No fun in this world...