Health

I finally played tennis today. The weather was not nice this morning, and at 9 o'clock we had rain. Some of members thought we had no tennis today, I think.
Most of members were coming late.
Fortunately rain was completely away whole we were playing tennis.


I also thought I was not able to play tennis today when I woke up because of very tired. But I did. That was good!  Recently I feel very tired when I am lack of sleep. 
When I was in Japan, my average sleeping hour was less than 6 hours, sometimes below than that. And I could not sleep continuously. I have got fast heartbeat when I just wake up since long time ago. However recently, when I have enough sleep I do not have such problem. Instead, I have got strange feeling on my tongue. But any doctor has not found what is wrong for my tongue, then I gave it up to complain about it to the doctors. 


I can play tennis only on my term break, maybe about ten times in a year.
So I am worried about my fitness. I need more exercise but I always drive my car to everywhere. So I am thinking about join a exercise group. Why group? Because, if I do any exercise myself, I stop it soon. Doing exercise myself is lonely and boring. However I am the age that I have to concern about my health.






 

A Sunny Day

Today I visited John as usual for my English lesson.
He said that today's my writing was worse than last week because the topic was a bit difficult. I wrote about GST. It will be increased from this Friday.

After that I went to Migrant Centre and I showed up there a bit earlier. So I visited Citizen Advice Bureau to ask some volunteer work on my term break.
I left my name on their training list and I talked with a volunteer guy about any opportunities for my speaking. And I also asked him about Belly Dance that I was thinking for my exercise, and a fun too.
Fortunately we have a Belly Dance group in the city. Or Irish Dance group.
They gave me a list of all hobby groups. I was a bit exciting.

Then I attended knitting group in Migrant Centre. There were eight people there from different countries that Scotland, China, Filipino,England, Russian and Japan ; it was me.
I had never done knitting before but the ladies were good teachers, and I learned hot to do plane knitting. And while doing knitting we were chatting about many things. It was really good for my English speaking practice.
I am going to go there next week as well.
After the group finished I talked with Russian person for a hour on the street.
She has been New Zealand for three years and she was same age with me. So we talked about our English improving stories a lot.
She taught me her address and we said good buy. I think I will see her again sometimes.

It was nice day today. I wanted to tell about today's knitting group to my Japanese friend and I called her several times, but she has not taken my call yet.
It is 9:35pm. I could not talk with her today, it is shame.
I just wanted to tell her how the knitting group was fun.

How to improve this blog?

One of to be my relatives is using same bloger, however her blog is more improving. For example, the title letter is bigger than mine and a lot of photos everywhere. Sometimes the font size is bigger or smaller, hmm... I need to study.

My Significant others

I have been down since last Friday and my darling says that I am grumpy.
The reason is my youngest daughter, oldest of course, probably middle too.
I have already known I would not back to Japan unless travelling.
All my daughters should know about it too, I hope. Yes, I told them.
We have known that.

However we still have some troubles about our relationship.
Let's try to think... the answer is " I am an unusual mother" at my age.
It is maybe a common sense only in Japan.
In other countries, many women are travelling in the world since long time ago.
But Japan is a quite isolated country. We have our own culture and language. And especially at my age, people do not like changing, I think.

So, I have sometimes been unhappy about our situation of my children and I. 
However it should not be a cause of worse relationship of my significant others and I. (I was mean today. Not mean, I wanted to some help from him.)
But I have also known my darling cannot help it.

When I think about my darling, he is not the father of my children, He can be, but very difficult as well as I cannot be a mother of his sons.
We had lived other countries with other culture and other language for a long years. His sons and my daughters cannot coop with because they are very different culturally. 
It seems difficult that get married to foreigner. Only my darling and I, it is OK. But if I think about whole our family, it sounds difficult.

However, on the other hand, we will know about different culture and we will understand each other much more later, I hope.   
International marriage is not too bad because it has advantage for sure.

Anyway, I have been bad mood and I feel sorry about it to my darling, but I cannot deal with my problem yet. Really bad.
I wish time will be gone faster and one day all my daughters understand me well. And I really hope that that they will visit me occasionally.

Yet

I am waiting a new screen for our main computer. I think it has broken since two weeks ago or more..
Yesterday my darling said "I don't like share my computer with others." and I said "ME TOO!" It has been inconvenient.
I would like to update more dairies and photos on my networks, but I cannot do them properly now. (I had forgotten about my On-line English course! I need to do that as well.)
 
Well, I enjoyed a volunteer singing for the Scotland band in Whangarei today and last night. Margaret called about it and I was so glad about it.
I was not familiar with her before because she did not say hallo to me when I first joined to the chorus group. So I was quite surprised when she gave me a phone call about the singing.

She is one of the Scotland Band with her husband and son. She is amazing!
She is 40's but she looked very nice in her costume and her drumming was excellent and also her vocal was beautiful! I am sure she has practised a lot.
I like her now although I am not sure she likes me or not.

After the singing I had a cup of tea with some of the members from WHC.
I am happy to stay in Whangerei now and I will miss them a lot if I would move to somewhere, anywhere, sad...
However, on the other hand, I can extend more friends spread worldwide. 
 



 

My Daughters

Sometimes my daughters make me anxious, and each time I think "Why did I come to New Zealand? Should I stay here? Am I selfish?"

I am a person who is always challenging to new things. (I am not really happy about this expression, I mean not the real meaning, sentence. I am sure I should find better sentence! )

Even though I was able to afford to my previous marriage life (time and money both), I was still doing something that weren't for my children.

(I think this sentence also does not make scenes )  

I am easy to forget my mother's work. Since I became mother, my thought is "Look at my attitude as a human being, then follow my example." However this thought should not be mother's.

In my mind, my ideal mother is ; wakes up in early morning, makes breakfast and lunch boxes for the children, then does some housekeeping, if the husband cannot afford to support his family, does to part-time work in day time, and gets home a bit earlier than children, makes dinner and talk everything with children. When they are in troubles, gives them wisdom, etc, etc.

But I am not like that at all.

I have not taught right ways to my daughters directly.

I have always been in my own troubles and seeking a right way to the next step.

I am not perfect at all.

( I think I am negative today. Because I got a mail from my youngest daughter and she has been missing me a lot, but I cannot help her. It is sad.)   

Today, when I read her mail, I thought she needs more supports, and I left her too early. I did not realise that. I am not a good mother.

When I think about my daughters, I always, always! feel guilty. I do not know how can I coop with my children because my mother never taught it to me.

However when I am thinking about myself, I also wanted to more supports from my mother. I just felt I found an answer!

Until I can forgive my mother, all my daughters also do not forgive me.

I have to start to concern something new. I want to find what is it? ; my mother's bond and relationship problems. 

Recent

Our main computer screen has broken now, so I have to share a laptop with my darling. Yesterday I asked him "If, if, if you can not use any computer after you get home until go to bed?" He answered " I'm going to be crazy."
He loves programming work, so he is always with his computer. I can not use the computer when he is at home. I think I am not computer addiction, but computer is very convenient!

(It is the half way through on writing this blog. But I now saw a Belly dance on the TV and I was soooo impressed! I really think dancing is very good for my exercise   
! I might find a dance group.)

Back to the topic. So I recently do not write a diary on mixi, and I do not keen to my on-line English course. However I have to catch the course up, so I will try hard on my term break ; it is two weeks from next week.

Anyway, recently nobody correct my writing on Lang8 website, sad...
I think people on the computer, their interests are changing every time, so they might not stick at same website. I mean they ; include me, are board to the websites if they are busy at other things. We are not computer addiction at all?!

I met Zela yeaterday, I also met John the other day, they both said that my English speaking skill is not improving. I really think so because I do not need to speak decently. Most people current around me understand me although I make mistake with the grammar or pronunciation. I mean they got use to my horrible speaking, and I have been lazy to the learning.
Now Zela has stopped to teaching so I might ask John to correct my speaking instead the writing for a while.

I have an idea that I realised last night in bed. I have difficulty when I explain something at the bank, AA, post office, an inquiry and so on.
I do not have much difficulty to talk about my daily life with people, but explain particular situations are a bit difficult. So I am going to ask the practice to John.

Learning other language takes really long time but I hope I would not forget that once I got it. I really really want to get real job in English even though part time or work at home. I would like to complete my English skills as well as native speaker. 

I AM Happy

I am happy whatever!
As I said, I was grumpy the other day, not grumpy, I might lost my confidence.
However this time I got it back very quick, also my younger sister's message helped my recovering a lot.
The reason which I lost my confidence was the phone call that I made with my new friend. 
I told too much my personally things to her about my family. She is a mental health nurse, so I know these kind of person likes investigate others life histories.
And they are good at bring out stories from others, so I talked too much.

She has got everything that I want to have, especially English skills. So I absolutely felt jealous and I had forgotten about the view from her. I was talking about only my things and I had not realised that she also felt jealous with me.( I was not sure.) 
Anyway, I did not need to compare her to me at all. As I said her and my life are totally different. I actually have got everything that she wants to have, so we are same. I was negative so I thought she was much happier than me. 

I stopped to be negative and I stopped to compare about myself to others. I should have my own pace (speed?) and I have my own life, then it should be happy. I should not lose my confidence. It is sometimes difficult.
However at least I need to try to put me in happiness always. (Probably my expression is strange.)
And recently I found a tip of the hint for being happy. ( I am sure this sentence is also strange.)
It is 1:15am. now, but I do not sleepy and I have still enjoyed English writing.

A Long Day

It is Saturday today, but I got up early as usual.
I washed clothes, then my husband said "We should go to the boat."  So I made sandwiches and we went to Opua that we park our boat there.

He worked on the boat and I brought a book for spending my own time. However the weather was awful. It was cloudy, sometimes rain and cold. 
I could not stay on the deck.  I got into the cabin but it was windy, then the boat swung. I tried to take a nap instead of reading, but I got sea-sick.

The weather got better later, so I backed on the deck again even it was still cold.
We stayed on the boat about 3 hours and went home.
On our way go to the boat, we visited our friend and my husband called him to our dinner. So on our way back we went to shopping and got some food.

Our friend showed up just before 6pm. We enjoyed the chatting a lot, it is already midnight and he is still here. It is Saturday night, it is OK.
He was going to stay here overnight but he has just left.
We, three people, also enjoyed the dancing because we had background music.
I do not drink and I got tired, however I wanted to write this blog today.(Oh, no it is already Sunday!) Good night.

I feel bad

I was not bad this afternoon. As the duty manager said, I went to Migrant Centre and talked to them.
At first I should explain about the duty manager. As my new friend said, I called the hospital and asked about a position for the volunteer interpreter. I thought I can work as a interpreter quickly without any extra skills.
The manager said that I need to send my CV to let her know my detail. My CV is a bit old ; does not have current situation. So I asked my referee to my boss.
Then the manager said that another option is visit Migrant Centre in the town because they have an information for the training.  
I did not want to go to Migrant Centre because I did not want to people think about me a new migrant.
However the weather became nicer in afternoon, so I changed my mind and went there to try to get some new information.
As I thought they thought I am a new migrant and try to introduce me some English course or home tutor. I think I seemed a bit grumpy person.
Because I have done many English courses and I have already had English tutors, I had really done a lot of courses to improving my English. But I have realised study only "ON THE DESK" does not work well.
I have always looked for the opportunities for a lot of conversations.
Then I told them about that, they understood me and introduced a craft group. They said that they have a lot of conversation in the group. But, to me it sounded not very good because of all of them are new migrant.
I really really want to talk with native English speakers.
I have not use to talk with people in English and I am still shy to make mistakes.
However I like talk with others, work in a group and help people.

In the evening I phoned new friend and talked too much about myself. I think some of my talking were like a complaining. I was really bad. Finally she made an excuse ; I was pretty sure it was excuse, and finished the phone call.
After that I felt bad to myself and I realised I was very grumpy today because the people in Migrant centre treated me like a new migrant.
I might be new migrant. When people will treat me not as a foreigner? I was sad.
But it was not a reason I made complaining to new friend. So I am not going to call her for a while.  



   

New Friend

Yesterday at last I had a cup of tea with my new friend at a coffee shop near my house.
My property owner introduced her for me and we talked on the phone a day before we meet. We talked on the phone few weeks ago too, but she had bad flu and we had to wait for her recovering.
Her life is totally different from mine. I got married when I was 19, and she came to New Zealand when she was 19.
She first came here with her best friend, but the friend did not want to stay in NZ. Ten months later the friend left her and backed to Japan.
She wanted to finish her art course then stayed in NZ another two years, then backed to Japan once.
However she loved NZ and she asked her coming back to her parents. And she came back to NZ again; that time she backed her own. What a brave girl!
Her parents helped her living but she was not good at money management, then one day she realized that she had only $2 or $3 in her bank account.
She suddenly found an advertisement on the window that was Japanese restaurant.
She became independent and earned enough money.
During second stayed in NZ, she hospitalized from serious injury. In that days a nurse from this town, looked after her. When she turned to 25, she had no idea what to do. Therefore the nurse suggested about study nursing in this town.
Then she came here and started to learn nursing.
After that she has been here for 15 years now.
We have same interests, one of these is drawing and another one is mental health nursing. So we talked a lot.
I was envious of her successful life first, but later I thought my life was not too bad. Because she is single but I have my family instead.
She said "I first felt a caution to you, because I have bad experiences form Japanese people before. However I like you now. I should invite you to my house sometimes." I was so glad. Moreover she said "If you move to somewhere later, shall we keep in touch."
She taught me about volunteer interpreter to improving my English in the hospital and I phoned them. But later I realized that is for the emergency department. I do not know many special vocabularies so I am worried. However it might be good challenge for me.

THE LADY KILLERS

Today I went to a concert for THE LADY KILLERS.
They are famous in New Zealand and it is unusual that they come to such a rural town! Unfortunately my car is still broken, so my friend drove her car to there.
It was one hour drive to get there (smaller town).
We arrived 30 minutes before (7pm.)and tried to find our chorus group. But we could not find them.
The concert began. The chorus group that we belong sang first 25 minutes. It was great! They showed up the hall at 1 o'clock for the rehearsal, my friend said.
I recently passed the audition and became a member of the group, so I need to practice harder.
After that we had a fashion show that was "Spring Collection".
Finally THE LADY KILLER appeared at 9 o'clock. At first I was a bit board, but later I felt interesting to them. They are four women's group but each of them are very unique. My friend said one of them is the judge of "New Zealand Idle".(TV show)
Some people danced, others enjoyed drinking, then the concert continued until 11:30pm!!! It was unusual in Japan.
It was very laud but was fun. I had not been to a concert for a long time, so I enjoyed that.
My friend get tired on our way back and did not want to drive. But it was a bit wet and midnight so I also did not want to drive. So I tried to encourage her, then we sang songs in the car whole way through.
I found she has beautiful high voice and I liked it.
I though have a friend who has same interest is good.
I arrived home at 12:30am. but I cannot go to sleep straight away because many songs keep stay?? in my brain. So I am writing this. I will go to bed after have a cup of hot tea. Good night.

Love is...

Love is a feeling that I want to do something for someone.
Love is a feeling that I can spend my own time for someone.
However all of us have different feelings about Love.
Love might be just a self contentment.
When the ratio between Love someone to Be loved from someone is same, it is like a see-saw and it feels nice.
Have you ever dressed up and waited someone on a corner of the streets?
Have you ever heard someone knocks the door of your heart?
Love is a feeling that I found sweet smell flowers on a street in spring.
Love is a feeling that I heard a ripple on the beach in summer.
Love is a feeling that I was wrapped up from sunlight through the branches of trees in Autumn.
Love is a feeling that I realised snow crystal fall onto my head in winter.
Who will say that I love you for ever?
Love is like a candy floss, nobody can hold it longer.
But if I keep it importantly, it will stay by my side.  


 

What shall I do?

I am currently thinking about my further study. I do not have to work, because so far my husband's income is enough for two of us if we would not go for traveling around. And I do not care for traveling much.

Yesterday I talked with my friend on the phone. She is now 35 and thinking about back to study keenly. However, to her, her age is the problem. Because her ideal life plan is get married with somebody else and give birth during 30s'. So she does not really want go to three years course. After the course she will be 38, and will perhaps miss the chance. But she also cannot stay to do nothing. So she is looking for a short course. She has financial problem too, so I introduced her to some scholar ships. She is interested in paramedic course and psychology course. 

Today I talked with a young teacher aid. She is pregnant now.
She used learn at the fashion course for two years, but she has not done a relative job. And she said that she used student loan and it is still painful to give it back. I thought that she does not do fashion work is really shame.
She said that she has to work. And now she is doing teacher aid course by correspondence. I told her about my thought, so she asked me "What course do you want to do?" I said "I have not decided yet."

I also finished two years nursing course in Japan, but I left the job for a long time ago and I was not very interested in nursing. However I am always thinking I want to do a work that relate to nursing job, but not physical job, office type of job. Because since I worked in the hospital, I was interested in a job that is support people between hospital to home, a kind of management job or planner. To get the job, I need to improve my English skills more.

I also need to take a examination to get into any course here, because English is my second language. My friend, above, she has overall 6.5 IELTS score,but I have not taken the exam yet, and I think my score would be below 6. That is why I am learning writing.  



 


   

Earthquake

This morning, about half past four, a big earthquake struck Christchurch.
The earthquake was magnitude 7.1
Many buildings were damaged seriously but fortunately nobody died; two people had significant injury. 
The CBD (city centre) of Christchurch is all closed. Because the roads have got damage too, the power is down in most towns around Chch, water supply is stopping and sewage as well.
Since this morning TV is broadcasting latest news continually.
The prime minister is now on the way to Chch. 
Time by time, I can see the damage on TV, and it is worse than I thought. 
It seems take long time for the recovering.
 

Friday

The week finished. Friday is always a bit tired day but I feel happy because the weekend will come.
It is stormy and cold outside now, but in the room is very quiet. I can hear only a noise of typing the keyboard. What a quiet evening!
I phoned new friend twice, however she was not at home. She might out with her friends, and it seemed like I need to give up to see her tomorrow.
Tomorrow evening, we have visitors. One is our friend Mark from Australia and another couple who live closer. We are going to make Mexican tacos.

Last night, this computer screen broke down immediately; went to black!
It is working now again, but we might have to buy a new one soon.
It was not work during day, so I had to use my darling's laptop quickly to finish my English on-line course before he backed from his work.
The English course has 12 units and each unit has many exercises; too many!
They said I need to complete each unit for two weeks, so I worked hard.
The lessons were not very difficult , but I got tired for reading many paragraphs.


When I talked with my tutor on the phone this morning, I asked her about main course. (I was thinking about apply to main course after finished the on-line course.) I hoped I can go to a main course straight away.
However people from foreign countries have to get right score of English examination called IELTS. I hate IELTS.
My darling says he likes me to stay home, and I do not care about it, but I like study new things.





   

A Bit Tired

Our car has broken for two weeks now and I have been walking to my work.
That is fine! good for my exercise. However it is very inconvenient for shopping.
Today I had to go for shopping for a weekend visitor, and it was rainy.
I had never used the bus service here before, but I had known a bus stop was just in front of our house. I also searched about bus service on the Internet for a few days ago.
In this town, we have bus every an hour in the morning and the evening. And every two hours in day time. (What a rural area!; in my home town in Japan, we have bus every three or five minutes in the peak time, and every 15 minutes at off peak.)
We do not have the time table at the bus stop near my house (not only that one, but also all bus stops) and I was wondering when the bus coming.
We have the time table only at the main bus stop in the town. (I have just realised! Every an hour, so people in this town do not really need the time table.)
Anyway, I caught a bus at the main bus stop in the town and asked to the driver for making sure the bus was a right one.
He said "You sit behind me, and tell me or push the button." with smile.
We have only three kinds of lines and I was pretty sure the bus was right.
The bus started.
The bus drove like a loop, but not really loop. It was funny because the bus drove away to a small path and made U-turn and returned to the main street.
Most bus stops were passed because of no passenger, and sometimes people ran to the bus to ask for stopping.
Finally the bus close to the street which I live. Before that, the driver shouted "Is this the place that you were talking? This is a top of the hill!" I said "No, next one, I think." All passengers looked me (I felt so) and I felt an embarrass.
I got off the but at the next stop, and the driver said "Thank you, bye sweety."
It was only 30 minutes driving for the whole loop.
I could understand why they do not have time table for the each stop.
From next time, I have to make a guess when a bus passes in front of my house. And if I miss one, I have to wait another hour! (from my house to town, it takes 30 minutes...)



 
 
 










 
 

Baby Hatch

I am sure my oldest daughter hates this kind of topic because she can not have baby.
(And she said that was happened because of I gave her too much stress.)

Anyway, yesterday I saw the topic that talked about a box (is called Hatch, but it is called box in Japan) on the Internet. I had never heard about "Baby Box" before. The word "Box" reminds me a letter box, that word should not be use for human being. There are many names in each country.

The system started long time ago in Europe. If mothers or parents could not bring their children up by some reasons, they left the children at the entrance of someone's house.
In some countries, temperature outside was very cold in winter, and very hot in summer. Sometimes there were some wild animals outside. So if baby were left at outside, their lives suffered from those danger.
Then people made a little box in the building, so the mothers or parents can put their baby in it from outside the building via the small door.

In 2000, Germany started the system and now they have 80 hatches in the country. About 13 countries are running same system now.
In the system parents or mothers do not need to leave their any information, even name.

On the Internet, there were some views that agree and disagree with the system.
I can agree with some of the opinions but mostly I cannot agree with the idea of the system.
Because I think mothers or parents can do some different action before leave their babies instead leave them straight away.
To me, leave one's baby sounds just abandon the responsibility as a parents.
Some people cannot stop to pregnant and it is sometimes very difficult to avoid, but some of Christian countries, they do not admit the abortion and the parents or mothers are in trouble.
But, if they can leave their babies easily, they would not learn well, and might to do same things again, I think.
They should not leave their children so easy, instead they should learn what was wrong and how can they chose better way if such thing would happen again.

I really want people to think about better choice before they leave their children or possibly before pregnant. All children are innocent.
I am still in a trouble about my children although I am happy about have them.
The growth is difficult to parents too.