I was thinking why I came to New Zealand for a long time recently.
Then, this morning I finally remembered why.
I wanted to LIVE in NZ as same as Japan.
So my aim has completed.
And I realised that live in NZ is much better compare to Japan.
The nature is very beautiful, air is clean, sky is blue, sea is blue too, many green around me and most difference is own space is much wider!
Sometime people ask me "Do you miss Japan?" I say "NO" I only miss my daughters. If they were here with me I would be very happy.
I really want to show them this wonderful environment.
After I came here, and hear from some Japanese about the life in Japan, they surprise me. Japan is a stressful country.
Nowadays even small children make suicide, it is sad.
People in Japan, I think they are very busy.
(I just have to do laundry now! I will write the rest of this story later.)
Friday, October 29, 2010
A Change
I feel a change.
I will be finish my on-line course soon, I stopped my English lessons with John, Zela started to teach again and my darling finally applied to the citizen-ship.
The happiest thing is that I got use to talk with people in English recently.
I will go to a next step with my darling in 2011. How exciting!
(However I still need Zela's help to get more confidence for the talking.)
Today my darling said that his life travelling has not done yet. And I felt I am glad to do it with him. We are not alone any more.
The other day he said "I need a sail. I cannot go without a sail." I was thinking his engine is big enough for him to sail alone. But it was not. It means he also changed a lot. He is not a single-hand sailor of his life any more. I am so glad.
I really think we are now in a harmony.
I do not know what was wrong before. Many causes made us mad.
But we worked out hardly. (I feel THANKS to Aya!)
If Aya did not say anything about us, our relationship would not be rebuilt.
However I enjoyed live my own very much, although it was only for five months.
It was a significant experience in my life.
Because I once completely gave up to belong any guys. And it was actually comfortable. I felt free although I lost my security.
If I were in Japan, I could not live alone, however in New Zealand I could have a hope that was from the government, unemployed benefit.
So I still had a chance to try to something in NZ.
In Japan I had no chance. That feeling was awful.
Now, our boat will be start to a new bon-voyage.
I am sure we will have arguments sometimes, however we will be coop with them much quicker.Because we can feel we respect each other. I had never felt it before with my previous husbands. They were so unreliable however it was probably my fault. I made them unreliable.
Health note;
I still have strange feeling on my tongue. (Zala said "If you suffer under a poison, try to have more poison.") I said to her "I will try to have more water first." She also introduced me "Homoeopathy" . The doctors make us our own liquid, we drop it in our tongue, it works very well like a magic!!
If everything will not help, I have to try them.
After I played tennis, my left leg got worse. I hope swim did not be a cause.
After the swim, my skin infection got worse again. (I might have to refuse the swim next week. My darling said "Protect yourself." and it is very important in NZ. Nobody protect me.)
Except above I do not have any problem so far.
I will be finish my on-line course soon, I stopped my English lessons with John, Zela started to teach again and my darling finally applied to the citizen-ship.
The happiest thing is that I got use to talk with people in English recently.
I will go to a next step with my darling in 2011. How exciting!
(However I still need Zela's help to get more confidence for the talking.)
Today my darling said that his life travelling has not done yet. And I felt I am glad to do it with him. We are not alone any more.
The other day he said "I need a sail. I cannot go without a sail." I was thinking his engine is big enough for him to sail alone. But it was not. It means he also changed a lot. He is not a single-hand sailor of his life any more. I am so glad.
I really think we are now in a harmony.
I do not know what was wrong before. Many causes made us mad.
But we worked out hardly. (I feel THANKS to Aya!)
If Aya did not say anything about us, our relationship would not be rebuilt.
However I enjoyed live my own very much, although it was only for five months.
It was a significant experience in my life.
Because I once completely gave up to belong any guys. And it was actually comfortable. I felt free although I lost my security.
If I were in Japan, I could not live alone, however in New Zealand I could have a hope that was from the government, unemployed benefit.
So I still had a chance to try to something in NZ.
In Japan I had no chance. That feeling was awful.
Now, our boat will be start to a new bon-voyage.
I am sure we will have arguments sometimes, however we will be coop with them much quicker.Because we can feel we respect each other. I had never felt it before with my previous husbands. They were so unreliable however it was probably my fault. I made them unreliable.
Health note;
I still have strange feeling on my tongue. (Zala said "If you suffer under a poison, try to have more poison.") I said to her "I will try to have more water first." She also introduced me "Homoeopathy" . The doctors make us our own liquid, we drop it in our tongue, it works very well like a magic!!
If everything will not help, I have to try them.
After I played tennis, my left leg got worse. I hope swim did not be a cause.
After the swim, my skin infection got worse again. (I might have to refuse the swim next week. My darling said "Protect yourself." and it is very important in NZ. Nobody protect me.)
Except above I do not have any problem so far.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Today
I was going to go to bed but I am not sleepy yet so I am intend to write this.
Today Mr. Perry said to me that he is going to charge me from next lesson.
It was just a good timing that I could finish my English lesson, because I did not need to make excuse from me! I shouted "Hooray!" in my mind.
He is a good teacher but not for me.
I like conversation a lot, do not like quiet lesson. I was always trying to not sleep at the lessons. (His room was quite warm and dark..)
However I understand his thought and probably his wife's thought too.
He had stomach cancer and got an operation last year. It was too late when he discovered the cancer. But the operation succeeded.
After the he has been always worried about death and his wife does not like it.
I felt sorry about the stopping our lesson. I could not help he to find other students. He bought a table and made his name cards, and so on for the preparing.
By the way, I am sometimes not happy at stay home when my darling is here.
I am a very social person, so I want to share everything. I mean I cannot stay alone. Always need someone to talk.
My darling is an absolutely wrong person, lol.
But if I had noisy husband, it would be annoying as well.
I like a person who is really good at catch my thought quick, and share the emotion together. I might be a really lonely person.
I like to be belong although I can be independent. I found it very recent.
Perhaps, I got use to live with somebody else.
As my darling say, I also like keep my own space at home, but he does it too much, lol. Never mind, he is a nice person basically.
Wow, I became hungry! I did not eat enough amount of dinner this evening as I went to play tennis as soon as I finish meal.
I thought I finally love play tennis. It is shame that my darling does not play tennis! However if he plays tennis, It would be also annoyed me.
Oh! what a selfish person I am today!?
Today, I saw a footprint on mixi that was my oldest daughter and I was so glad!
We are both clumsy people... Why we cannot talk friendly? just like normal mum and daughter. What I can do for it is just pray.
We will be fine one day. I will cross my finger.
I will go to bed soon.
I feel thanks for this period that I live far away from my home town.
Because I can think of my family much more than before. And I hope they too.
We are really clumsy family!
But we will get a right reward one day, I hope.
Today Mr. Perry said to me that he is going to charge me from next lesson.
It was just a good timing that I could finish my English lesson, because I did not need to make excuse from me! I shouted "Hooray!" in my mind.
He is a good teacher but not for me.
I like conversation a lot, do not like quiet lesson. I was always trying to not sleep at the lessons. (His room was quite warm and dark..)
However I understand his thought and probably his wife's thought too.
He had stomach cancer and got an operation last year. It was too late when he discovered the cancer. But the operation succeeded.
After the he has been always worried about death and his wife does not like it.
I felt sorry about the stopping our lesson. I could not help he to find other students. He bought a table and made his name cards, and so on for the preparing.
By the way, I am sometimes not happy at stay home when my darling is here.
I am a very social person, so I want to share everything. I mean I cannot stay alone. Always need someone to talk.
My darling is an absolutely wrong person, lol.
But if I had noisy husband, it would be annoying as well.
I like a person who is really good at catch my thought quick, and share the emotion together. I might be a really lonely person.
I like to be belong although I can be independent. I found it very recent.
Perhaps, I got use to live with somebody else.
As my darling say, I also like keep my own space at home, but he does it too much, lol. Never mind, he is a nice person basically.
Wow, I became hungry! I did not eat enough amount of dinner this evening as I went to play tennis as soon as I finish meal.
I thought I finally love play tennis. It is shame that my darling does not play tennis! However if he plays tennis, It would be also annoyed me.
Oh! what a selfish person I am today!?
Today, I saw a footprint on mixi that was my oldest daughter and I was so glad!
We are both clumsy people... Why we cannot talk friendly? just like normal mum and daughter. What I can do for it is just pray.
We will be fine one day. I will cross my finger.
I will go to bed soon.
I feel thanks for this period that I live far away from my home town.
Because I can think of my family much more than before. And I hope they too.
We are really clumsy family!
But we will get a right reward one day, I hope.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Stuck
It must be the happiest period in my life now.
I should not have any stress. However, why I am so mentally tired sometimes.
Everything should be clear. I have no trouble, I am believing so.
Maybe it is time to make everything clear.
I sometimes think about the reason to came to New Zealand.
I was not sure what I was thinking about during I left Japan.
As my oldest said, I probably escaped from everything. Particularly my job.
After I became a nurse, I really enjoyed my job, however relationship with co-workers were always not very good. I think, I did not know how to handle it.
In New Zealand, especially in Whangarei (my present environment) all people are not wondering about me. It is very comfortable.
In Japan, I was a very unusual person and people around me were always watching me to what to did, do and will do next.
I could not keep my privacy. One of the causes was the location of my house.
Another cause was even I was single...
In Japan, we have many causes which are annoy us.
I recently thought we do not have enough personal space in Japan, too many people there.
My life in NZ is much easier and comfortable. We can have our own spaces.
Nobody do not care about neighbours or co-workers private life.
So, my oldest daughters thought was right. I escaped from them.
It is fine.
Now, what about family. Did I escape from my family too?
Maybe I did it half. Because I had to look after at least my mother and my cat.
Those were my responsibility. But they both past away.
My oldest might get angry about them?
What about my daughters. As my sister or others say, they are all grown up.
Maybe it was a good chance for separate from mother?
If I were there longer, I would have more trouble, I guess.
And it would be obstruct their independence.
When I think about my daughters, my middle might be OK as she lived with me longest. And my youngest maybe.
People make mistakes. For me, biggest mistake was the first marriage. I was too young to be a mother. And later my oldest became an adult as fast as me.
We are not like mum and child. Our age difference is maybe too small.
She had many experience while we had separated. I have never known.
So the attitude as a mother is not appropriate especially for her.
However she always said that children cannot chose a home which they born.
It means she is an unlucky person? I do not want to think so.
She has her own strengths that nobody has. My sister said she is an unusual person. Oh, my god! She probably most similar to me.
I just hope her happiness.
I think I could think about them much more than before from far place.
If I stayed Japan, most trouble made me unconcern. (I am sure this sentence does not make sense.) I could not make right decision if some trouble happened. I had to slow down. Too many things annoyed me before.
I do not know when I can get away from this stuck.
Now a thing which I can do is just Be positive, and never show negative attitude to my daughters, because it makes them anxious. I need to stand positively.
he
I should not have any stress. However, why I am so mentally tired sometimes.
Everything should be clear. I have no trouble, I am believing so.
Maybe it is time to make everything clear.
I sometimes think about the reason to came to New Zealand.
I was not sure what I was thinking about during I left Japan.
As my oldest said, I probably escaped from everything. Particularly my job.
After I became a nurse, I really enjoyed my job, however relationship with co-workers were always not very good. I think, I did not know how to handle it.
In New Zealand, especially in Whangarei (my present environment) all people are not wondering about me. It is very comfortable.
In Japan, I was a very unusual person and people around me were always watching me to what to did, do and will do next.
I could not keep my privacy. One of the causes was the location of my house.
Another cause was even I was single...
In Japan, we have many causes which are annoy us.
I recently thought we do not have enough personal space in Japan, too many people there.
My life in NZ is much easier and comfortable. We can have our own spaces.
Nobody do not care about neighbours or co-workers private life.
So, my oldest daughters thought was right. I escaped from them.
It is fine.
Now, what about family. Did I escape from my family too?
Maybe I did it half. Because I had to look after at least my mother and my cat.
Those were my responsibility. But they both past away.
My oldest might get angry about them?
What about my daughters. As my sister or others say, they are all grown up.
Maybe it was a good chance for separate from mother?
If I were there longer, I would have more trouble, I guess.
And it would be obstruct their independence.
When I think about my daughters, my middle might be OK as she lived with me longest. And my youngest maybe.
People make mistakes. For me, biggest mistake was the first marriage. I was too young to be a mother. And later my oldest became an adult as fast as me.
We are not like mum and child. Our age difference is maybe too small.
She had many experience while we had separated. I have never known.
So the attitude as a mother is not appropriate especially for her.
However she always said that children cannot chose a home which they born.
It means she is an unlucky person? I do not want to think so.
She has her own strengths that nobody has. My sister said she is an unusual person. Oh, my god! She probably most similar to me.
I just hope her happiness.
I think I could think about them much more than before from far place.
If I stayed Japan, most trouble made me unconcern. (I am sure this sentence does not make sense.) I could not make right decision if some trouble happened. I had to slow down. Too many things annoyed me before.
I do not know when I can get away from this stuck.
Now a thing which I can do is just Be positive, and never show negative attitude to my daughters, because it makes them anxious. I need to stand positively.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
A Long Weekend
We have three days off.
We went to the boat, my darling worked for the boat and I was knitting a scarf.
I found the bugs that I hated was sand-fry. I really hate them!
They suck my blood. They do not die easy...
According to the Internet, my tongue problem seems like too much extra water in my body. I need to move more or I might have a problem for my drainage system.
I see! Swollen things are not only tongue, under the eye, fingers, face,,
I do not think I have had too much water, however I have realised I do not have enough urine maybe, I do not know.
I hope I do not have a kidney problem because my grand-mum and mum had the problem.
I might have to check my blood, then if I will not have any problem, I should do more exercise.
Tomorrow we will see a Japanese sailor-man at the town basin. We saw his yacht today and I found "Osaka" letter on the boat. I hope they are from Osaka.
But,, I heard his accent on the phone and it was not Osaka's.
Why I think such thing? I might be short of see Japanese?
By the way, my sister started to dating with a guy who she found on mixi. I am not happy about it. I think she is too easy going. But I can understand..
Why does not she look for a right guy, instead find easier on the Internet. I can not tell it ether.. It might be a good idea nowadays.
I found better guys on the Internet more than met at my work or somewhere.
Basically I do not like Japanese guys because they are bad. Some Japanese women are bad too. I found more natural to be with European guys.
Japan is too complicated country and most people are not natural any more.
I really think so recently.
They missed some important thing as human beings, and I did, too.
The other day I thought I can write a story (book) about my previous loves. They were so strange, not natural at all. (Maybe that was just my problem, not for others.)
However today I got an email from my friend in Japan, she is still dating with marriage guy. It seems very strange to me now, but I used do not recognise about it for a quite long time. It was awful.
In Japan, it is very difficult to find a good guy. It is true.
I do not know about other countries, but in New Zealand or the US the guys are much more natural. (I do not know many guys. So I am talking about the guys who I have known so far. For example my darling, Mark or Oscar.)
But if I write a book, it might surprise people, so it is better to not write.
My previous life was so crazy, I think. And I now feel natural. I am so glad about it. And I feel sorry for my sister and friend because they will not realise what is natural if they never go any where from Japan. It is sad.. They have to see more beautiful, natural and much better world. They should not stay in such a small world for their while life.
However they have their own life. I can not change them.
We went to the boat, my darling worked for the boat and I was knitting a scarf.
I found the bugs that I hated was sand-fry. I really hate them!
They suck my blood. They do not die easy...
According to the Internet, my tongue problem seems like too much extra water in my body. I need to move more or I might have a problem for my drainage system.
I see! Swollen things are not only tongue, under the eye, fingers, face,,
I do not think I have had too much water, however I have realised I do not have enough urine maybe, I do not know.
I hope I do not have a kidney problem because my grand-mum and mum had the problem.
I might have to check my blood, then if I will not have any problem, I should do more exercise.
Tomorrow we will see a Japanese sailor-man at the town basin. We saw his yacht today and I found "Osaka" letter on the boat. I hope they are from Osaka.
But,, I heard his accent on the phone and it was not Osaka's.
Why I think such thing? I might be short of see Japanese?
By the way, my sister started to dating with a guy who she found on mixi. I am not happy about it. I think she is too easy going. But I can understand..
Why does not she look for a right guy, instead find easier on the Internet. I can not tell it ether.. It might be a good idea nowadays.
I found better guys on the Internet more than met at my work or somewhere.
Basically I do not like Japanese guys because they are bad. Some Japanese women are bad too. I found more natural to be with European guys.
Japan is too complicated country and most people are not natural any more.
I really think so recently.
They missed some important thing as human beings, and I did, too.
The other day I thought I can write a story (book) about my previous loves. They were so strange, not natural at all. (Maybe that was just my problem, not for others.)
However today I got an email from my friend in Japan, she is still dating with marriage guy. It seems very strange to me now, but I used do not recognise about it for a quite long time. It was awful.
In Japan, it is very difficult to find a good guy. It is true.
I do not know about other countries, but in New Zealand or the US the guys are much more natural. (I do not know many guys. So I am talking about the guys who I have known so far. For example my darling, Mark or Oscar.)
But if I write a book, it might surprise people, so it is better to not write.
My previous life was so crazy, I think. And I now feel natural. I am so glad about it. And I feel sorry for my sister and friend because they will not realise what is natural if they never go any where from Japan. It is sad.. They have to see more beautiful, natural and much better world. They should not stay in such a small world for their while life.
However they have their own life. I can not change them.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Still still
I am still thinking about my daughters.
Because I said to them "I will try to go to NZ for six months and will make sure there is good place to live or not." So all my daughters were keep asking for a long time when I will be back to Japan.
I said when I can get my permanent residency, then the residency will be complete two years later, bra bra....
During waiting the residency, I could back to Japan and I should be work hard to get the job which is enough to live my own. So they were happy, I think.
(Today, my English is terrible because I am so tired and cannot consider about grammar.)
When I separated from my darling, my eldest looked happy.. not really, she looked like a winner. (She hates every men who close to me.)
But after I backed to my darling, she really hated me.
She always wants to protect me from everything and if I do not need her help, she is unhappy. I see. She wants my attention. (Yes! it is the best answer.) But why? Is she crazy?
Although she got married with nice husband, she still needs love from mother.
She is probably lack of love of parents, No! We (my first husband and I ) broke her heart a lot. However how long does it take to recover.
Maybe it will never recovered for ever? That is sad.
I am still thinking what can I do for her. If possible I would like to back to Japan and stay there for a year, have a cup of tea with her often, go travelling together often, chat together often.......? That is stupid idea!
She does not need physical help any more, instead, needs mental help, but how?
As I said, I am a awkward mother, so I have not any good idea yet.
Oh! why I am similar to my mum about it! We have done same things.
My mum, after she moved to rural town, we did not see each other often, so she sometimes sent me presents but I did not like them.
I liked just some money that was in the envelope with the present and I never used her present. (I just left them somewhere in my house, and later through them away to somewhere. What a bad daughter I was?)
Well, what can I do for her? She refuses phone call, she once refused any present, but now it is maybe OK. (no phone call yet.)
And why I have to worry about her too much? (Why I have to worry about let her get angry, I mean. I am her mum, not her younger sister or daughter, so why? Is she too old as my daughter? Am I too young as a mum? I do not know. )
In my mind, same thought run around over and over, so I might have to stop to think. However I think it is better thing then do not think about any of her.
My NZ life is happy imperfectly, that is OK. My life is always not perfect whatever. And I need to try to be happy perfectly. I have believed this kind of thought influences to others for sure. (ahhh! what a bad English. I am disappointed to myself.)
Because I said to them "I will try to go to NZ for six months and will make sure there is good place to live or not." So all my daughters were keep asking for a long time when I will be back to Japan.
I said when I can get my permanent residency, then the residency will be complete two years later, bra bra....
During waiting the residency, I could back to Japan and I should be work hard to get the job which is enough to live my own. So they were happy, I think.
(Today, my English is terrible because I am so tired and cannot consider about grammar.)
When I separated from my darling, my eldest looked happy.. not really, she looked like a winner. (She hates every men who close to me.)
But after I backed to my darling, she really hated me.
She always wants to protect me from everything and if I do not need her help, she is unhappy. I see. She wants my attention. (Yes! it is the best answer.) But why? Is she crazy?
Although she got married with nice husband, she still needs love from mother.
She is probably lack of love of parents, No! We (my first husband and I ) broke her heart a lot. However how long does it take to recover.
Maybe it will never recovered for ever? That is sad.
I am still thinking what can I do for her. If possible I would like to back to Japan and stay there for a year, have a cup of tea with her often, go travelling together often, chat together often.......? That is stupid idea!
She does not need physical help any more, instead, needs mental help, but how?
As I said, I am a awkward mother, so I have not any good idea yet.
Oh! why I am similar to my mum about it! We have done same things.
My mum, after she moved to rural town, we did not see each other often, so she sometimes sent me presents but I did not like them.
I liked just some money that was in the envelope with the present and I never used her present. (I just left them somewhere in my house, and later through them away to somewhere. What a bad daughter I was?)
Well, what can I do for her? She refuses phone call, she once refused any present, but now it is maybe OK. (no phone call yet.)
And why I have to worry about her too much? (Why I have to worry about let her get angry, I mean. I am her mum, not her younger sister or daughter, so why? Is she too old as my daughter? Am I too young as a mum? I do not know. )
In my mind, same thought run around over and over, so I might have to stop to think. However I think it is better thing then do not think about any of her.
My NZ life is happy imperfectly, that is OK. My life is always not perfect whatever. And I need to try to be happy perfectly. I have believed this kind of thought influences to others for sure. (ahhh! what a bad English. I am disappointed to myself.)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Kirilancero
My older cat died day before yesterday and yesterday he was burned.
Sad.
I was really appreciate to my daughters (mostly to middle daughter) as she looked after him for a long time.
He came to us when my youngest was 8. Because my youngest had never been at home herself before but I had to leave her for my nursing course.
So we went to a pet shop to find a pet for her, however we could not decide what we buy.
We eventually found him in a box by the counter. There were some cats in the box and he was only one who had different colour. We decided to take him.
He was only 200g and able to stay on our palm! He was 6.5kg later.
He did not like be hold by anybody, he was a calm cat and did not play often.
However, when I first travelled to overseas, he missed me a lot and when I got home he had tears in his eyes.
He always slept with me, it was warm particular in the winter.
He was very quiet, just sat in sunny spot.
He looked after younger cat well.
After I decided to came New Zealand he sat on my knees often and looked my face, it was unusual.
When I was down he came on my knees and looked my eyes too, it looked like he asked me "Are you OK?"
He spent many years with us, 13 years.
I hope he went to heaven.
Sad.
I was really appreciate to my daughters (mostly to middle daughter) as she looked after him for a long time.
He came to us when my youngest was 8. Because my youngest had never been at home herself before but I had to leave her for my nursing course.
So we went to a pet shop to find a pet for her, however we could not decide what we buy.
We eventually found him in a box by the counter. There were some cats in the box and he was only one who had different colour. We decided to take him.
He was only 200g and able to stay on our palm! He was 6.5kg later.
He did not like be hold by anybody, he was a calm cat and did not play often.
However, when I first travelled to overseas, he missed me a lot and when I got home he had tears in his eyes.
He always slept with me, it was warm particular in the winter.
He was very quiet, just sat in sunny spot.
He looked after younger cat well.
After I decided to came New Zealand he sat on my knees often and looked my face, it was unusual.
When I was down he came on my knees and looked my eyes too, it looked like he asked me "Are you OK?"
He spent many years with us, 13 years.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Japanese
I recently think Japan is a quite unique country.
We, Japanese are thinking that we are latest people or just follow the US in the world, and we have also believed our common sense is highest in the world.
Because Japan is a small island and isolated from other countries. We have our own language and culture.
And not many foreigners come to Japan to live compare to other countries.
The most problem to accept other culture is our language, I think.
English is spoken in many countries as the second language, but in Japan, it is not.
Although we learn English for six years in the school, we do not have any chance to use it. Japan used has got strong economy, so we did not need to use English at the trade work. (My darling said that this sentence does not make any sense.)
I mean, in Japan, use Japanese is enough to do everything.
We do not have any difficulty to find everything in our life.
Maybe we are spoiled by international companies.
I have to go soon, so I will write about it later.
We, Japanese are thinking that we are latest people or just follow the US in the world, and we have also believed our common sense is highest in the world.
Because Japan is a small island and isolated from other countries. We have our own language and culture.
And not many foreigners come to Japan to live compare to other countries.
The most problem to accept other culture is our language, I think.
English is spoken in many countries as the second language, but in Japan, it is not.
Although we learn English for six years in the school, we do not have any chance to use it. Japan used has got strong economy, so we did not need to use English at the trade work. (My darling said that this sentence does not make any sense.)
I mean, in Japan, use Japanese is enough to do everything.
We do not have any difficulty to find everything in our life.
Maybe we are spoiled by international companies.
I have to go soon, so I will write about it later.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thanksgiving
Today we had Canadian Thanks Giving at our friend's house.
My darling made Stuffed Turkey and it was delicious!
We stayed there for TEN hours! I am exhausted. I feel I am getting old.
My darling is quite healthy so he can afford to these kind of parties. But I cannot afford any more. I want to go to bed until 10pm.
The other day I talked with my friend on the phone until 12:30am. and after three days I had been exhausted. Before that I did same thing for five or six hours, and I was so tired after a week. I will try to not do that...
My daughters look OK so far. I was disappointed to myself about I gave a presser to my middle. (about marriage and grandchild) She might will not reply to me this time.
She said eldest looks OK, so I am going to believe it.
My youngest, she said she is OK, but her mother in law is not good. She said she is stuck. I asked it might from her cancer (I did not say "cancer") and I said I hope she will get well. She is younger than me.
So now I have many people to pray before go to sleep every day.
Emiko, My Emi, Mika and Manami, my sister, Aya, the mother in law and my lovely darling.
I need to think of them in this Thanks Giving day. I am here because of them, they have been helping me emotionally a lot, will be help physically sometimes.
I believe God. We are the children of God. He always looks after us from the heaven. But I cannot ask something to him, I just pray instead.
And I am sure my pray will be done even any result will be happen.
The other day my sister said about my daughters "They have their own life, so you can enjoy your own life too." I was impressed. I can have my own life.
I am always thinking that my happiness does not exist without my daughters happiness. After I missed them I realised how do I love them.
I did not give them much love before. I am so awkward.
Pray for them is easier way for me. I do not have right, enough words for them except I give them hugs. (Unfortunately in Japan we do not have hug culture.)
I wanted to do hugs a lot more if I could.
It is time to go to bed. I will pray for them tonight too. Thanks.
My darling made Stuffed Turkey and it was delicious!
We stayed there for TEN hours! I am exhausted. I feel I am getting old.
My darling is quite healthy so he can afford to these kind of parties. But I cannot afford any more. I want to go to bed until 10pm.
The other day I talked with my friend on the phone until 12:30am. and after three days I had been exhausted. Before that I did same thing for five or six hours, and I was so tired after a week. I will try to not do that...
My daughters look OK so far. I was disappointed to myself about I gave a presser to my middle. (about marriage and grandchild) She might will not reply to me this time.
She said eldest looks OK, so I am going to believe it.
My youngest, she said she is OK, but her mother in law is not good. She said she is stuck. I asked it might from her cancer (I did not say "cancer") and I said I hope she will get well. She is younger than me.
So now I have many people to pray before go to sleep every day.
Emiko, My Emi, Mika and Manami, my sister, Aya, the mother in law and my lovely darling.
I need to think of them in this Thanks Giving day. I am here because of them, they have been helping me emotionally a lot, will be help physically sometimes.
I believe God. We are the children of God. He always looks after us from the heaven. But I cannot ask something to him, I just pray instead.
And I am sure my pray will be done even any result will be happen.
The other day my sister said about my daughters "They have their own life, so you can enjoy your own life too." I was impressed. I can have my own life.
I am always thinking that my happiness does not exist without my daughters happiness. After I missed them I realised how do I love them.
I did not give them much love before. I am so awkward.
Pray for them is easier way for me. I do not have right, enough words for them except I give them hugs. (Unfortunately in Japan we do not have hug culture.)
I wanted to do hugs a lot more if I could.
It is time to go to bed. I will pray for them tonight too. Thanks.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Sister
My sister always helps me when I am down about my daughters.
I am going to try to be positive. I forgot what I say about it in English. "Touch the wood" " Touch your head" something like that.
So I am intend to say my ideal future for me and my daughters.
First, about myself, My darling and I will move to Australia, darling gets a get better job, I will be able to get a part-time job too, we will buy a nice house near the beach, organise the garden, save money and travel around everywhere, visit our family every year, sometimes go for sailing, enjoy our life. After retirement we will back to New Zealand or rural area in Japan, and enjoy the rest of our life together.
What a nice plan isn't it!?
Neat, my eldest daughter, she can save enough money by late 30s', a miracle will come to her and she will pregnant, she will be a housewife until baby will grow up, she has happy life with her husband and children, she will be more relax and healthier, enjoy her life, and we visit each other frequently.
My middle, she recovered from previous love, finds someone who looks after her very well, if possible she has a baby, makes new family, enjoy her life, be happy all the time, be healthy, visit each other frequently.
My youngest, she gets her confidence back perfectly, be a nice housewife, sometimes work as a part-time worker, be happy with her family, be healthy, laughs all the time.
I sometimes could not sleep when I had negative thoughts, but I will change my mind and I always try to be positive, so an ideal life will come for sure.
I really want my darling to be positive too. So the power (energy?) is going to be double.
Anyway, now I am thinking about my new project that is make Christmas trees by patch-work materials. I need to make three trees. I had to realise it faster!
I will try my best to complete them by Christmas time.
I am going to try to be positive. I forgot what I say about it in English. "Touch the wood" " Touch your head" something like that.
So I am intend to say my ideal future for me and my daughters.
First, about myself, My darling and I will move to Australia, darling gets a get better job, I will be able to get a part-time job too, we will buy a nice house near the beach, organise the garden, save money and travel around everywhere, visit our family every year, sometimes go for sailing, enjoy our life. After retirement we will back to New Zealand or rural area in Japan, and enjoy the rest of our life together.
What a nice plan isn't it!?
Neat, my eldest daughter, she can save enough money by late 30s', a miracle will come to her and she will pregnant, she will be a housewife until baby will grow up, she has happy life with her husband and children, she will be more relax and healthier, enjoy her life, and we visit each other frequently.
My middle, she recovered from previous love, finds someone who looks after her very well, if possible she has a baby, makes new family, enjoy her life, be happy all the time, be healthy, visit each other frequently.
My youngest, she gets her confidence back perfectly, be a nice housewife, sometimes work as a part-time worker, be happy with her family, be healthy, laughs all the time.
I sometimes could not sleep when I had negative thoughts, but I will change my mind and I always try to be positive, so an ideal life will come for sure.
I really want my darling to be positive too. So the power (energy?) is going to be double.
Anyway, now I am thinking about my new project that is make Christmas trees by patch-work materials. I need to make three trees. I had to realise it faster!
I will try my best to complete them by Christmas time.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Christmas Present
I went to bed once, but an idea occurred to me, I could not sleep, and finally I woke up again.
The idea is for a Christmas present for my daughters.
In Japan we can buy EVERYTHING we want, Japan is a huge market.
When I look for some present in Whagarei (small town) ,I cannot find any interesting thing. Although I could find some, they are all Made in Chine.
Made in China is not too bad and cheap, but I do not like their qualities.
So I am going to make some quilt Christmas Trees . I have never done that before.
Tomorrow I am going to a sawing shop in the town , then I will find some kits (But I will not buy them). I will search how are they made.
Once I knew how to make it, I am going to collect cheaper materials.
I do not know why I am so exciting to make Christmas goods, but I am sure all people like Christmas. It is fun! Green, red materials and more colour, many pretty ribbons or buttons and so on. Ornaments are also exciting to hand made.
On the other hand, quilt Christmas tree can be fold, and light, so convenient to put in to the envelopes. Envelope cost does not much.
Handmade must be fun. It takes time and perhaps my daughters do not like them however, they are original and exists only one in the world.
They can also remake them later.
Anyway, when I think about the design, colour and materials, I cannot sleep!
The idea is for a Christmas present for my daughters.
In Japan we can buy EVERYTHING we want, Japan is a huge market.
When I look for some present in Whagarei (small town) ,I cannot find any interesting thing. Although I could find some, they are all Made in Chine.
Made in China is not too bad and cheap, but I do not like their qualities.
So I am going to make some quilt Christmas Trees . I have never done that before.
Tomorrow I am going to a sawing shop in the town , then I will find some kits (But I will not buy them). I will search how are they made.
Once I knew how to make it, I am going to collect cheaper materials.
I do not know why I am so exciting to make Christmas goods, but I am sure all people like Christmas. It is fun! Green, red materials and more colour, many pretty ribbons or buttons and so on. Ornaments are also exciting to hand made.
On the other hand, quilt Christmas tree can be fold, and light, so convenient to put in to the envelopes. Envelope cost does not much.
Handmade must be fun. It takes time and perhaps my daughters do not like them however, they are original and exists only one in the world.
They can also remake them later.
Anyway, when I think about the design, colour and materials, I cannot sleep!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tired
I do not know why, I am tired recently. I have got shoulder-ache (especially left shoulder). It sometimes brings headache too.
I have many things to do. Practising songs for our Christmas concert, English On-line course, writing for my English tutor, reading something, anything, in English for my learning, cleaning the house and knitting and so on.
It seems like I do not have many things to do but I cannot keep my concentration to each thing. So everything is everywhere and they look like a big mess.
I need to charge my energy to next step, it is actually not MY step, it is our step.
My darling was in a limbo till recent, but finally he got out from there. He is still half in the limbo. We are both half in the limbo.
We have many things that we have to do, but everything is going slow.
However it is a better change for us.
We moved to this small town last year, but it has not been a permanent place. I have been always thinking this place is temporary.
(I just got phone call, so I will write the rest of this story later.)
I have many things to do. Practising songs for our Christmas concert, English On-line course, writing for my English tutor, reading something, anything, in English for my learning, cleaning the house and knitting and so on.
It seems like I do not have many things to do but I cannot keep my concentration to each thing. So everything is everywhere and they look like a big mess.
I need to charge my energy to next step, it is actually not MY step, it is our step.
My darling was in a limbo till recent, but finally he got out from there. He is still half in the limbo. We are both half in the limbo.
We have many things that we have to do, but everything is going slow.
However it is a better change for us.
We moved to this small town last year, but it has not been a permanent place. I have been always thinking this place is temporary.
(I just got phone call, so I will write the rest of this story later.)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
From this morning
I am going to continue the story from the last time.
Our first marriage was in terribly poverty. I think my husband had much regrets after he proposed me. I though that was my big mistake, but also a big mistake for him too. He was not reliable at all. He should not have family. I have no idea why he wanted to get marry with me. He said that he wanted to help me, because I looked so fragile. Yes, I was. But not fragile any more.g
To got strengths was one of good things from our poor marriage life. I had to work for my family otherwise we were not able to survive.
I had completely no time to be with my children because of busy at work.
Although I was busy, I had to find a nice time with my kids, but I did not.
I am still enjoying my own life more than being as a mother. I might should not have any kid, so I could enjoy my life more.
But I do not think so. Even though I could not bring them up well, they are still my big treasures. They gave me an another life.
What I was going to write is, a person who is not taught how to bring up children is able to look after her children well, or not? I am sure my way of brought up children was not very good. However fortunately they are all nice adult now. I am glad about it.
I still need to work out with them? not physicality any more but more emotionally. And I have totally no idea how to do it. I am also an awkward mother, I know...
It is no way except try with my best thought.
I need to talk with them soon about my remarry. New Zealand is too far for them. However when I will get older, I might need their physical help. Can I be easy going?? But before that I have to discuss about the future with them. All female like to know their further plan as they always ask "What will happen next?" It is a kind of hope for us.
Our first marriage was in terribly poverty. I think my husband had much regrets after he proposed me. I though that was my big mistake, but also a big mistake for him too. He was not reliable at all. He should not have family. I have no idea why he wanted to get marry with me. He said that he wanted to help me, because I looked so fragile. Yes, I was. But not fragile any more.g
To got strengths was one of good things from our poor marriage life. I had to work for my family otherwise we were not able to survive.
I had completely no time to be with my children because of busy at work.
Although I was busy, I had to find a nice time with my kids, but I did not.
I am still enjoying my own life more than being as a mother. I might should not have any kid, so I could enjoy my life more.
But I do not think so. Even though I could not bring them up well, they are still my big treasures. They gave me an another life.
What I was going to write is, a person who is not taught how to bring up children is able to look after her children well, or not? I am sure my way of brought up children was not very good. However fortunately they are all nice adult now. I am glad about it.
I still need to work out with them? not physicality any more but more emotionally. And I have totally no idea how to do it. I am also an awkward mother, I know...
It is no way except try with my best thought.
I need to talk with them soon about my remarry. New Zealand is too far for them. However when I will get older, I might need their physical help. Can I be easy going?? But before that I have to discuss about the future with them. All female like to know their further plan as they always ask "What will happen next?" It is a kind of hope for us.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Mother and Daughters
When I think about our relationship of my daughters and me, I do not know it is good or not really good.
I had no knowledge as a mother because my mother and I were vary far although we lived together for 16 years.
My mother did not let me help her housekeeping. She did not talk about herself. She was a very quiet person but also she was an awkward person too, I think.
So she did not talk any her trouble to me, however I was too young to hear about that.
Or, no, she told a lot that was a heaps of complaining about her husband.
I had believed my father was a bad person, oh, poor dad...
He was a busy business man and was not at home often. I did not know about him unless hear from mother.
I got married when I was 19 and got my first daughter when I was 20.
To be honest I did not know how to bring child up at all. And we were very poor, very, very! We could not buy anything even rice. We had completely no money.
(I have no time now. If I could remember about this story, I am going to write the rest of it.)
I had no knowledge as a mother because my mother and I were vary far although we lived together for 16 years.
My mother did not let me help her housekeeping. She did not talk about herself. She was a very quiet person but also she was an awkward person too, I think.
So she did not talk any her trouble to me, however I was too young to hear about that.
Or, no, she told a lot that was a heaps of complaining about her husband.
I had believed my father was a bad person, oh, poor dad...
He was a busy business man and was not at home often. I did not know about him unless hear from mother.
I got married when I was 19 and got my first daughter when I was 20.
To be honest I did not know how to bring child up at all. And we were very poor, very, very! We could not buy anything even rice. We had completely no money.
(I have no time now. If I could remember about this story, I am going to write the rest of it.)
Friday, October 8, 2010
My team break will be finish
We had a Japanese lady at home Monday to Friday this week.
I met her on mixi and I thought she needed a help, then I helped her.
However I was tired since last week. So at first I was OK but form the middle of her staying I had been grumpy.
Because when she was getting up she was staying in our lounge. My darling and I slept in the lounge, so we had no private space. And I could not relax during day.
It was quite stressful but it was my fault, so I could not complain.
But I finally complained about it to my best friend and my darling (and darling's friend). I should not do that.
It was the last day for her today, so I decided to take her to Ngunguru beach.
The weather was nice, and she and I were happy to having lunch in a cafe on the beach. But I was still feeling sorry to her because I thought I was not a good host mother.
I took her to everywhere with me, I have believed that was good.
So my term break was very busy but they were fun.
She said that she was glad because she could meet a lot of people.
I was thinking that my term break was going to be boring, but it was not at all.
Now, my darling is working for applying to citizen ship.
Once he success to do it, and get a job in Australia, we will be able to move there.
It will be a big change and I am quite exciting about it.
I do not mind to stay in New Zealand rest of my life, but I might be a person who loves changing.
I also have not given up to get better qualification in English whatever I will get a job or not, wherever I go.
I do not know why but I really want to be fluent user in English.
Maybe I have to take an IELTS exam at some stage that is the thing most I hate.
I will find other way of get some new skills hopefully.
However I am already a bad student in Online course! To be honest, it is boring.
I like lean English face to face with my tutor. It is my weak point. I always want to know the results quick, I cannot wait longer. I like fast feedback.
I need to lean how to wait...
I hope it will be sunny tomorrow. I would like to sit on the boat with my lovely darling. It is my favourite way to spend time in weekends.
I met her on mixi and I thought she needed a help, then I helped her.
However I was tired since last week. So at first I was OK but form the middle of her staying I had been grumpy.
Because when she was getting up she was staying in our lounge. My darling and I slept in the lounge, so we had no private space. And I could not relax during day.
It was quite stressful but it was my fault, so I could not complain.
But I finally complained about it to my best friend and my darling (and darling's friend). I should not do that.
It was the last day for her today, so I decided to take her to Ngunguru beach.
The weather was nice, and she and I were happy to having lunch in a cafe on the beach. But I was still feeling sorry to her because I thought I was not a good host mother.
I took her to everywhere with me, I have believed that was good.
So my term break was very busy but they were fun.
She said that she was glad because she could meet a lot of people.
I was thinking that my term break was going to be boring, but it was not at all.
Now, my darling is working for applying to citizen ship.
Once he success to do it, and get a job in Australia, we will be able to move there.
It will be a big change and I am quite exciting about it.
I do not mind to stay in New Zealand rest of my life, but I might be a person who loves changing.
I also have not given up to get better qualification in English whatever I will get a job or not, wherever I go.
I do not know why but I really want to be fluent user in English.
Maybe I have to take an IELTS exam at some stage that is the thing most I hate.
I will find other way of get some new skills hopefully.
However I am already a bad student in Online course! To be honest, it is boring.
I like lean English face to face with my tutor. It is my weak point. I always want to know the results quick, I cannot wait longer. I like fast feedback.
I need to lean how to wait...
I hope it will be sunny tomorrow. I would like to sit on the boat with my lovely darling. It is my favourite way to spend time in weekends.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Nice Meeting
I went to a meeting tonight that was WINGS; women's newcomer group.
I knew about the group since I was in Wellington, but I did not want to join them because I was thinking that new comer sounds like refugee people who have suffered in new country. I was not like that, I thought, I was, actually.
But I did not want to think I was suffering. I was ENJOYING!
However my stubborn mind changed a little bit ; I can say that I am stubborn.
I was also in a rush and tried to avoid Japanese to improve my English as faster as I could, but now I am slow down. I cannot to be a fluent speaker for three days.
Now I meet Japanese, I speak Japanese as well as English.
But I recently became to interested in writing in English more than Japanese, that is why I can continue this blog for three months, it is incredible!
I used to stop my English blogs for just three days, and any more.
Anyway, WINGS meeting was a big fun because all women in the group were chatting a lot. Tonight we enjoyed the French dinner, that was very nice!
And we promised to see each other again.
We are from many countries, very international, but all of them speak English. I really felt that I have learned English is good thing. I can talk many people in the world.
I have been this rural town for ten months now, and I knew a lot of people who are from work, chorus group, tennis group, our church and WINGS. And more, neighbours, so on.
I feel happy that I am a quite sociable person.
I knew about the group since I was in Wellington, but I did not want to join them because I was thinking that new comer sounds like refugee people who have suffered in new country. I was not like that, I thought, I was, actually.
But I did not want to think I was suffering. I was ENJOYING!
However my stubborn mind changed a little bit ; I can say that I am stubborn.
I was also in a rush and tried to avoid Japanese to improve my English as faster as I could, but now I am slow down. I cannot to be a fluent speaker for three days.
Now I meet Japanese, I speak Japanese as well as English.
But I recently became to interested in writing in English more than Japanese, that is why I can continue this blog for three months, it is incredible!
I used to stop my English blogs for just three days, and any more.
Anyway, WINGS meeting was a big fun because all women in the group were chatting a lot. Tonight we enjoyed the French dinner, that was very nice!
And we promised to see each other again.
We are from many countries, very international, but all of them speak English. I really felt that I have learned English is good thing. I can talk many people in the world.
I have been this rural town for ten months now, and I knew a lot of people who are from work, chorus group, tennis group, our church and WINGS. And more, neighbours, so on.
I feel happy that I am a quite sociable person.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Difficult to keep my mind
It is already 11:36pm. My physically exhaustion is going away, but mentally, not.
I personally have some problem.
They are difficult to explain even in Japanese.
However it is nearly time to have to rethink about my further life.
I mean, the clear reason for coming to New Zealand.
After moved to Morningside, I have had awful dreams sometimes, I am sure they mean a fear of my daughters.
Last night I told my darling about my dreams and my thoughts that relate to the dreams. And what do they mean. But his action was only about his fear.
When I said "I would like to back to Japan for a year." He said "I will miss you again, one year is too long and you won't be back never ever..."
He and I are totally different about family situation. He is a son and I am a mother.
I know, my daughters do not need physically help any more, they are not babies.
However they need probably a lot of mentally help.
Maybe it is too much thought of worried, but I can not stop to think about it.
And it is true.
Because when I left Japan, I said my leaving would be for six months.
And I had an ambitious that I will get a good job in NZ, but I got my new husband instead. However getting new husband does not make any sense to them.
They would say "What was your ambitious?" I have not got it yet.
I called Aya tonight and she said "I understand you."
My thought about an ambitious and a husband are totally different things.
It is very difficult to get an understanding from them, and it was a bit sad that my darling did not understand it too.
I said to him "When I am in trouble, you should help me." But he had no idea.
I am sure men cannot think about the relationship of mother and children.
Unfortunately we are different, but it is OK. We both need each other.
Anyway, I have to fix my problem one day. However I have not known how to do it yet. I can just pray my daughters happiness to God. Their happiness is my mine too.
I personally have some problem.
They are difficult to explain even in Japanese.
However it is nearly time to have to rethink about my further life.
I mean, the clear reason for coming to New Zealand.
After moved to Morningside, I have had awful dreams sometimes, I am sure they mean a fear of my daughters.
Last night I told my darling about my dreams and my thoughts that relate to the dreams. And what do they mean. But his action was only about his fear.
When I said "I would like to back to Japan for a year." He said "I will miss you again, one year is too long and you won't be back never ever..."
He and I are totally different about family situation. He is a son and I am a mother.
I know, my daughters do not need physically help any more, they are not babies.
However they need probably a lot of mentally help.
Maybe it is too much thought of worried, but I can not stop to think about it.
And it is true.
Because when I left Japan, I said my leaving would be for six months.
And I had an ambitious that I will get a good job in NZ, but I got my new husband instead. However getting new husband does not make any sense to them.
They would say "What was your ambitious?" I have not got it yet.
I called Aya tonight and she said "I understand you."
My thought about an ambitious and a husband are totally different things.
It is very difficult to get an understanding from them, and it was a bit sad that my darling did not understand it too.
I said to him "When I am in trouble, you should help me." But he had no idea.
I am sure men cannot think about the relationship of mother and children.
Unfortunately we are different, but it is OK. We both need each other.
Anyway, I have to fix my problem one day. However I have not known how to do it yet. I can just pray my daughters happiness to God. Their happiness is my mine too.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Three days continuous rehearsal
It was the third day of singing training, and I am completely exhausted.
I have an another busy day tomorrow.
In the morning I am going to visit John (I have not done any writing yet!), in the afternoon I ma going to the knitting group, then I am finally going to give up the Belly Dance lesson. It is TOO MUCH! for a day.
I have no idea when my exhaustion will be gone away.
And I do not know why I have a headache after the singing, recently.
I am trying to let my tension go away, however it does not go away.
Now my darling said "Time to go to bed." So I will go to bed too.
I have an another busy day tomorrow.
In the morning I am going to visit John (I have not done any writing yet!), in the afternoon I ma going to the knitting group, then I am finally going to give up the Belly Dance lesson. It is TOO MUCH! for a day.
I have no idea when my exhaustion will be gone away.
And I do not know why I have a headache after the singing, recently.
I am trying to let my tension go away, however it does not go away.
Now my darling said "Time to go to bed." So I will go to bed too.
Busy Weekend
This weekend was crazy busy!...since last Friday.
I really want to write this blog, but I cannot do any more.
It is time to go to bed...sad.
I wanted to do some more On-line course, a writing for the next English lesson, some housekeeping and something more, hmm..
My brain is maybe full of thoughts from the two days voice training.
I have headache.
Last night I had headache too.
The voice training was fantastic! However I needed a bit too much effort, probably because I had to use only English. I needed heaps of concentration.
Anyway I am exhausted! I am going to go to bed!
I will write a summary of everything that happened this weekend, later.
I really want to write this blog, but I cannot do any more.
It is time to go to bed...sad.
I wanted to do some more On-line course, a writing for the next English lesson, some housekeeping and something more, hmm..
My brain is maybe full of thoughts from the two days voice training.
I have headache.
Last night I had headache too.
The voice training was fantastic! However I needed a bit too much effort, probably because I had to use only English. I needed heaps of concentration.
Anyway I am exhausted! I am going to go to bed!
I will write a summary of everything that happened this weekend, later.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Busy Weekend
This weekend was crazy busy!...since last Friday.
I really want to write this blog, but I cannot do any more.
It is time to go to bed...sad.
I wanted to do some more On-line course, a writing for the next English lesson, some housekeeping and something more, hmm..
My brain is maybe full of thoughts from the two days voice training.
I have headache.
Last night I had headache too.
The voice training was fantastic! However I needed a bit too much effort, probably because I had to use only English. I needed heaps of concentration.
Anyway I am exhausted! I am going to go to bed!
I will write a summary of everything that happened this weekend, later.
I really want to write this blog, but I cannot do any more.
It is time to go to bed...sad.
I wanted to do some more On-line course, a writing for the next English lesson, some housekeeping and something more, hmm..
My brain is maybe full of thoughts from the two days voice training.
I have headache.
Last night I had headache too.
The voice training was fantastic! However I needed a bit too much effort, probably because I had to use only English. I needed heaps of concentration.
Anyway I am exhausted! I am going to go to bed!
I will write a summary of everything that happened this weekend, later.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
My Lovely Darling (Touch the Wood)
While I am waiting new massage from Kan (She is my new network friend, her real name is Keiko? I think), I am going to write this blog.
My lovely darling is already in his (hopefully Japanese) dream.
Recently, I do not know what is he thinking about us, ( I am pretty sure he does not think anything about. ) but I feel a tiny thing happened on our relationship. Maybe it would not be a big deal when we compare it with rest of our life. And I already realised the mechanism. If one of us comes unhappy, it influences others, particularly in this small space (I mean our house). We have not had many same interesting especially the things that we can do in the house.
This time, he has been in a limbo for a quite long time, even though the limbo is a different kind from previous, he needs to find the way of get out.
We will have many limbo situation later, however stay positive is the only way of let them away, I think. But in the home,,,,
It is the half way through, but I am very sleepy, then I will write the rest of it later, if I would remember...
My lovely darling is already in his (hopefully Japanese) dream.
Recently, I do not know what is he thinking about us, ( I am pretty sure he does not think anything about. ) but I feel a tiny thing happened on our relationship. Maybe it would not be a big deal when we compare it with rest of our life. And I already realised the mechanism. If one of us comes unhappy, it influences others, particularly in this small space (I mean our house). We have not had many same interesting especially the things that we can do in the house.
This time, he has been in a limbo for a quite long time, even though the limbo is a different kind from previous, he needs to find the way of get out.
We will have many limbo situation later, however stay positive is the only way of let them away, I think. But in the home,,,,
It is the half way through, but I am very sleepy, then I will write the rest of it later, if I would remember...
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