From this morning

I am going to continue the story from the last time.
Our first marriage was in terribly poverty. I think my husband had much regrets after he proposed me. I though that was my big mistake, but also a big mistake for him too.  He was not reliable at all. He should not have family.  I have no idea why he wanted to get marry with me. He said that he wanted to help me, because I looked so fragile. Yes, I was. But not fragile any more.g
To got strengths was one of good things from our poor marriage life. I had to work for my family otherwise we were not able to survive.  

I had completely no time to be with my children because of busy at work.
Although I was busy, I had to find a nice time with my kids, but I did not.
I am still enjoying my own life more than being as a mother. I might should not have any kid, so I could enjoy my life more.
But I do not think so. Even though I could not bring them up well, they are still my big treasures. They gave me an another life.

What I was going to write is, a person who is not taught how to bring up children is able to look after her children well, or not? I am sure my way of brought up children was not very good. However fortunately they are all nice adult now. I am glad about it.
I still need to work out with them? not physicality any more but more emotionally.  And I have totally no idea how to do it. I am also an awkward mother, I know...
It is no way except try with my best thought.

I need to talk with them soon about my remarry. New Zealand is too far for them. However when I will get older, I might need their physical help. Can I be easy going?? But before that I have to discuss about the future with them. All female like to know their further plan as they always ask "What will happen next?" It is a kind of hope for us.